Dear Love & Relationships.

I despise you, yet I can't get enough of you.

Love,
Me

"Equal Rights", as they've said.

What's your point? I mean seriously, what's your point for all the discrimination? I'm getting sick and tired of all these people complaining that they want equal rights, and women who want the same rights as men blah blah blah, and then turn around and post a YES on 8 sign in their yards! It makes no sense. All these Christians that are supporting the Yes on 8 crap. You say that God said man shouldn't lay with man and woman shouldn't lay with woman. It's like, c'mon now, are you serious? You say that, yet you also say God loves everyone equally and unconditionally. That's not having unconditional love! If God loved everyone unconditionally, then he wouldn't care what sexuality people end up defining themselves as. I'm tired of all the lies, excuses and contradictory statements. Basically, if you want equal respect, I want to see you give equal respect to everyone else first.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Well that was just a crock of bullshit now wasn't it?

Giving it up.

Giving up a dream is not easy. I can honestly say I know from experience. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, sometimes it is not. I guess everyone just needs to make that choice for themselves. But they need to make it before it's too late.

Everyone always asks me why I don't play guitar anymore. You see, Alex (my boyfriend) and I have been together for nearly a year and three months now. When I first met him, I did absolutely nothing but played guitar. I could play most stuff with ease (Metallica, Hendrix, etc.) and I enjoyed doing it*. Well, we all know Alex is a drummer. A drummer with big dreams and goals who won't ever let that go. I was the same way. As time went on and we began getting more serious, I started to realize challenges that I would have to face within myself. I was too focused on having a boyfriend to even think about playing music. Once I realized it, I started playing again. Alex being as dedicated to music as he is, eventually made me jealous and nearly give up... again. I guess now, his musician ship has effected me so much (mostly for the worse) that I just can't bare music in general. His dreams are too big for me to handle, but being the fact that I love him and he's my best friend, I support him and I try to be at peace with myself. So pretty much, I gave up my dream for him, and I'm happy. I don't regret anything I've done. I just want him to realize how much music used to mean to me and how much his music has effected me.

My guitars have been sitting and collecting dust for a few months now and I don't know what to do. I don't want to sell them because there's always a part of me that feels like someday I'm going to pick up where I left off. But there's that other part of me that says it's a waste of time and I'm never going to be how I was before. It makes me depressed. But at least I have Alex, so I'm happy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there's only room for 1 musician in this relationship. Better luck next time, Kittie.

Me

I'm a big dreamer. I'm huge on promises and I believe they shouldn't be taken for granted. I'm a girl of my word. I'm a nice person, but like everyone else, I have my days. I have a heart of gold and it's filled with love for the people who I have been through a lot with. It's usually the little things that mean the most to me. I'm a very passionate and dedicated person when the subject is dealing with the things I love. Though it may not seem like it, I have a lot of pride in who I am, where I'm from and what I'm about. I tend to be too forgiving at times even when I shouldn't be. I'm a strong believer in God and I have faith in everything he can do for me. I'm the type of person who thinks that everything happens for a reason. I'm not going to tell you that if you meet me you won't be disappointed because chances are, you probably will be. I'm not that interesting. I tend to mess everything up. I act like I know everything, but I don't. I don't know shit. I get attached too easily and I get on everyone's nerves. I'm weak. Physically and mentally. I have issues. I don't really like people or friends. Besides the ones I already have, I'm better off without them. I cry a lot and usually just about over anything. I'm really emotional. I don't know how to deal with things. I don't know how to act in certain situations. I complain a lot. I'm bossy. I'm not confident. I judge myself according to my flaws. I take the blame for everything. I talk shit. I take everything as it is. I don't really care about anyone who I don't love. It would take me a lifetime to write down my flaws. Judge me.