2008 in a Nutshell

I'm started the year and am ending the year almost exactly the same. My boyfriend is going to his uncle's house, Taylor is coming over. Just a slight differences. I've met a lot of interesting people this year. I've gained and re-gained friendships in which I never thought I would. I'm still in a relationship with the same person and I'm happy. 2008 wasn't the best year I could've asked for, in fact it was pretty close to being the worst but it's just about over and I can't change that. Steven and I haven't gotten in a fight not once this year, which is amazing. I'm back at Modesto High, getting them good grades and trying to impress my parents. It's weird. The more and more I think about it, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do once I get out of high school because it just feels like life is going to completely stop once I'm out. To be honest, I'm scared yet thrilled to see what life has in store for me. I want to start out all over again at the strike of midnight, I just want all the troubles to go away and all good to come. Hopefully 2009 will be a better year.

Pre, present & post-xmas.

Christmas was pretty shitty. I only got to be with Alex on Christmas eve and not actual Christmas. Pretty depressing but whatever. For Christmas eve, all I got was a few items of clothing. I would've rather had money honestly, but I couldn't pass up the jeans. I needed them. Christmas day I just sat up, well, laid down, in my room all day. I kept starting to doze off all day, I was hella tired. Then when the time came around to go to sleep, I was wide awake and ended up staying awake until around 2am.

Yesterday was of course shitty. My dog died. He got into snail bait which is highly poisonous to animals. We had to take him and get him put to sleep. He was already in shock and there was nothing we could do about it. I feel so bad. He was only 2 years old, still a baby. :/

Yesterday night, I went to a show at the Modesto Virtual. Metalhead show. Better Left Unsaid and some other bands. It was cool, but I only watched the first band and BLU. BLU did really good. The other bands sucked. Alex, Steven, Allan & I pretty much just sat on the couch and hung out the whole time. I'll admit, I had more fun than I thought I would.

Today I'm hoping to see Alex again. We haven't really hung out since Christmas eve. I don't count yesterday much cause we weren't talking very much. Not that we were mad at each other or anything, but idk why.

Chuck E. Cheese

So, I have an interview at Chuck E. Cheese today. Hopefully it goes smooth and hopefully even more I get the job because trust me, I could use one. I'm pretty excited. I'm just trying not to get my hopes up like I did with Melt Gelato. Too bad I didn't get that job. Then again, If I get the job at Chuck E. Cheese, I'd be a lot gladder that I didn't get the MG one. Chuck E. Cheese is like, the perfect job for me. Munchkins, food, games... it doesn't get any better than that. It'll probably be very tempting to play the games though while I'm at work haha.

*Crossing Fingers*

Failure

It's seems to me like no matter what I do and no matter how I try, I always end up messing things up. I know I may not be the best person in the world, or the easiest to get along with, but who's to say that I don't try? Apparently I'm controlling, selfish, annoying, etc, etc. I get so confused because they tell me not to change them, yet in the process, their only goal is to change me. This is who I am, this is the way I was born, this is the way I will always be and nothing will ever change that. NOTHING. I just want to be accepted for me and only me. I want to be happy. I want to live my life as Christina Morales, not Christina Morales revised by _____.

Though I rant and rave about all my insecurities and issues, I know that I am a good person. I know I'm a good person because I try to be one. I don't let these things take over my life. I'm a sixteen year old girl who was born and raised in the ghetto with not much to call my own. I was taught to live life the hard way. Therefore, you can't expect much from me. I don't expect much from you. I just want to be me, and only me.

Congratulations

PRESIDENT elect Barack Obama :)

Elections are almost over.

Honestly, I'm scared.
Verrrry scared.

Dear Love & Relationships.

I despise you, yet I can't get enough of you.

Love,
Me

"Equal Rights", as they've said.

What's your point? I mean seriously, what's your point for all the discrimination? I'm getting sick and tired of all these people complaining that they want equal rights, and women who want the same rights as men blah blah blah, and then turn around and post a YES on 8 sign in their yards! It makes no sense. All these Christians that are supporting the Yes on 8 crap. You say that God said man shouldn't lay with man and woman shouldn't lay with woman. It's like, c'mon now, are you serious? You say that, yet you also say God loves everyone equally and unconditionally. That's not having unconditional love! If God loved everyone unconditionally, then he wouldn't care what sexuality people end up defining themselves as. I'm tired of all the lies, excuses and contradictory statements. Basically, if you want equal respect, I want to see you give equal respect to everyone else first.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Well that was just a crock of bullshit now wasn't it?

Giving it up.

Giving up a dream is not easy. I can honestly say I know from experience. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, sometimes it is not. I guess everyone just needs to make that choice for themselves. But they need to make it before it's too late.

Everyone always asks me why I don't play guitar anymore. You see, Alex (my boyfriend) and I have been together for nearly a year and three months now. When I first met him, I did absolutely nothing but played guitar. I could play most stuff with ease (Metallica, Hendrix, etc.) and I enjoyed doing it*. Well, we all know Alex is a drummer. A drummer with big dreams and goals who won't ever let that go. I was the same way. As time went on and we began getting more serious, I started to realize challenges that I would have to face within myself. I was too focused on having a boyfriend to even think about playing music. Once I realized it, I started playing again. Alex being as dedicated to music as he is, eventually made me jealous and nearly give up... again. I guess now, his musician ship has effected me so much (mostly for the worse) that I just can't bare music in general. His dreams are too big for me to handle, but being the fact that I love him and he's my best friend, I support him and I try to be at peace with myself. So pretty much, I gave up my dream for him, and I'm happy. I don't regret anything I've done. I just want him to realize how much music used to mean to me and how much his music has effected me.

My guitars have been sitting and collecting dust for a few months now and I don't know what to do. I don't want to sell them because there's always a part of me that feels like someday I'm going to pick up where I left off. But there's that other part of me that says it's a waste of time and I'm never going to be how I was before. It makes me depressed. But at least I have Alex, so I'm happy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there's only room for 1 musician in this relationship. Better luck next time, Kittie.

Me

I'm a big dreamer. I'm huge on promises and I believe they shouldn't be taken for granted. I'm a girl of my word. I'm a nice person, but like everyone else, I have my days. I have a heart of gold and it's filled with love for the people who I have been through a lot with. It's usually the little things that mean the most to me. I'm a very passionate and dedicated person when the subject is dealing with the things I love. Though it may not seem like it, I have a lot of pride in who I am, where I'm from and what I'm about. I tend to be too forgiving at times even when I shouldn't be. I'm a strong believer in God and I have faith in everything he can do for me. I'm the type of person who thinks that everything happens for a reason. I'm not going to tell you that if you meet me you won't be disappointed because chances are, you probably will be. I'm not that interesting. I tend to mess everything up. I act like I know everything, but I don't. I don't know shit. I get attached too easily and I get on everyone's nerves. I'm weak. Physically and mentally. I have issues. I don't really like people or friends. Besides the ones I already have, I'm better off without them. I cry a lot and usually just about over anything. I'm really emotional. I don't know how to deal with things. I don't know how to act in certain situations. I complain a lot. I'm bossy. I'm not confident. I judge myself according to my flaws. I take the blame for everything. I talk shit. I take everything as it is. I don't really care about anyone who I don't love. It would take me a lifetime to write down my flaws. Judge me.